July 12, 2020

Keep dealing with your feelings. And do the things that support you — like therapy and support groups (A.A., men’s groups, whatever you need).

From Codependent No More:

“[Codependents] can quickly tell what someone else is feeling, why that person is feeling that way, how long they’ve felt that way, and what that person is probably going to do because of that feeling.

[But] Many of us have abandoned or never taken responsibility of our own emotional selves.

Feelings are not the end all and be all to living. Feelings must not dictate our control our behaviors, but we can’t ignore our feelings either. They won’t be ignored.

Repressing or denying feelings can lead to headaches, stomach disorders, backaches, and generally weakened physical conditions which can open the door to many illnesses.

Repressing feelings — particularly if we are doing it during the denial stage of the grief process — can lead us into trouble with overeating, undereating, alcohol and other drug use, compulsive sexual behaviors, compulsive spending, not sleeping enough, sleeping too much, obsessing, controlling gestures, and other compulsive behavior. Feelings are energy. Repressed feelings block our energy.

Another problem with repressed feelings is that they don’t go away … [So we then try] stay one step ahead of the feeling, we have to stay busy, we have to do something. We don’t dare get quiet and peaceful because we might then feel these emotions.

[But] … they will not go away until we acknowledge their presence.”